My roommate, Tdogg, decided to make my sister and myself a delicious taco dinner, tonight. He's a pretty standup guy. He even went and bought the supplies to make everything. The evening was shaping up to be quite the gala event.
Unfortunately...
Our ceremony of taco-eating merriment turned sour when we discovered that Tdogg had bought a head of fucking cabbage instead of lettuce. He was like, "yea you can probably use that instead of lettuce." No way - no god damn way - you cannot use cabbage in lettuce's stead. To do so would practically be a crime against humanity... and all other things sacred.

Not a substitute for lettuce.
Anyway, needless to say, things were looking grim for taco dinner night. So, my brave sister set out for the Hyvee most local to us to retrieve a head of lettuce. Upon arrival, she was forced to battle an onslaught of incompetent Hyvee staff members. Travis and I waited... 5 minutes go by... 7 minutes... at 10 minutes, I gave up hope and went to play Guitar Hero; as far as I was concerned, darkness had encompassed taco dinner night. Then, suddenly, my sister returned. She was physically battered and mentally strained, but she had in tow a beautiful, glimmering head of lettuce. Her courageous act averted the great taco crises that evening!
We went on to have one of the best taco dinners... of all time.
The End